


I Wish You Were Closer

by SpaceDragon_from_OuterSpace



Category: School of Rock - Lloyd Webber/Slater/Fellowes
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Consensual, F/M, Female Reader, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, Inexperienced Reader, Insecurity, Moral Dilemmas, Older Man/Younger Woman, POV Alternating, POV Dewey Finn, POV reader, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, Teacher-Student Relationship, Teacher/Ex-student, Underage Kissing, age gap, happy end, insecure reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:35:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27591448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceDragon_from_OuterSpace/pseuds/SpaceDragon_from_OuterSpace
Summary: When you were 14 years old, you started to have a crush on your music teacher Mr. Finn.Back then, you had hoped, that it was only a silly crush and would fade eventually.As it turned out, it didn't.When you were 17, Dewey started to have a crush on his student, which he really, really hoped, would fade as quickly as possible.As it turned out, it didn't.---This is basically just a super long slow-burn story about your crush on Dewey and his mutual crush on you.
Relationships: Dewey Finn/Female Reader, Dewey Finn/Former Student, Dewey Finn/Reader, Dewey Finn/You
Kudos: 10





	I Wish You Were Closer

**Author's Note:**

> Please be aware, that this is a fictional story about the start of a relationship between a 17-years-old girl and a 32-years-old man. If this isn’t your thing or triggers you in any way, please don’t read this story.
> 
> The title is a line from the song 'Melt Me' by Hanni El Khatib, which you should absolutely listen to, if you haven't heard it yet! 
> 
> In this story, the events of the musical took place, when you were in 8th Grade (13 years old) and Dewey was 28.
> 
> Enjoy! :D

You

You were 13 years old, when one of your classes teachers broke her leg and you got the substitute teacher “Mr. Schneebly” instead. The entire class loved him. Of course, how could anyone not love that adorable mess of a wanna-be-rockstar?

But back then you kids loved him in a totally platonic way. Of course. In what other way were you supposed to be interested in him, right? I mean, he was your teacher and he was like 28 years old… That’s an age gap of 15 years!  
You were a kid, he was an adult, who was also your teacher!

So yeah, back then, you really loved him platonically.

But a year later…?

Things had started to change. Mr. Finn – as you all called him by that time – was still pretty much the same. Still a dreamer, still a rocker, still the cute, caring man-child, who didn’t care that you were all way younger than him, and simply treated you like normal people, instead of kids, as most grown ups did.  
He was only your music teacher anymore, but that was way more than anyone had even dared to just hope for. After the gigantic fraud he had committed, it was really a miracle, that all your parents and the school committee had allowed him to be your music teacher at all.  
Well, either a miracle, or the fact that the entire class had stood up for Mr. Finn in front of the jury and the attorney, during his trial, and that he convinced everyone of the fact, that he was absolutely sorry. After reaching your parents hearts, even them – all the parents of every kid in class – suggested to keep Mr. Finn as Practical Music teacher.

So not too much had changed with him. But for you, things changed somehow.  
You first noticed it, by how you weren’t only really excited for music class in general, but particularly you were always super excited to see Mr. Finn again.  
You noticed how warm and good you felt, every time he gave you a compliment, and especially, whenever he touched you, like when he placed his hand on your shoulder or gave you a high five.

Sooner or later, you realized what was going on. You weren’t stupid after all – If you were, you wouldn’t be attending a school like Horace Green.  
No, you were aware, that you had a crush on him. But you also knew, that that crush was probably only due to the way he treated you, and because it’s completely normal for a 14 years old teen to develop feelings for an older guy. Especially if that guy is someone the teen looks up to.  
It’s just hormones mixed with weird unconscious instincts, nature had placed within the human. Not actual feelings.

At least, that’s what you kept telling yourself, back then.

One year later, your crush on him still hadn’t faded, but you weren’t alarmed. The longer your crush on your teacher held – and the stronger it grew – the more you got used to it. You were sure, sooner or later it would fade. And if not during school time, then definitely afterwards. I mean, out of sight, out of mind, right?

And you were lucky, because you weren’t like one of those weird teens on tv, that get super flustered, when they have a crush, and then can’t talk in front of them, but only stutter, and thus make it super obvious to anyone observing, that they have a crush.  
You were totally chill in front of Mr. Finn. On the inside, you melted at each of his words, felt like something inside of you was exploding every time he smiled at you.  
But on the outside, no one would ever have guessed, that you had a thing for your teacher.

Which you were more than just grateful for. If anyone would have ever figured it out, you’d died!  
You knew how ridiculous it was to fall for your own teacher. You were 15, he was 30. Even if he never dared to treat you guys like children, Mr. Finn, most likely, saw you as a child anyway. It was enough of a miracle, that he treated you like a normal person and not some baby, and even more so, that he actually held somewhat of a real friendship with you kids.  
But you’d never dare to be so naive, to sincerely believe, that he saw you as someone, who he could be friends with outside of school. Or even more than just friends…

No, you knew that would never happen, and so you kept your constantly growing feelings to yourself, never acted on them or anything, and simply hoped, that they would eventually fade away.

But the more time passed, the harder it got.  
You noticed how you started to get jealous, when he was complimenting other girls in class; you were really happy, that you had no idea if Mr. Finn actually had a girlfriend – or boyfriend – because you were absolutely sure, that you totally wouldn’t be able to handle the heartache.  
At night you repeatedly dreamed of him. And not just innocent stuff.  
The years passed and something inside of you - inside of your mind and soul - started to crave him.

But as you had told yourself over and over again: You’re not naive. You’re not going to give in and reveal your feelings for him.  
It would lead to nowhere good.  
And so you never did.

At least not during your school years.

~~~

Dewey

Dewey loved his new life. He really did!  
He loved teaching kids music in a legal way, and he loved his new band. Paying the rent for his new tiny – but his very own – apartment wasn’t a problem anymore, because he earned enough money now, with his music classes and the pretty regular gigs his band had.

So all in all, his life was pretty amazing, and better than he would ever have imagined.  
Until, one day, suddenly, it wasn’t anymore.

One terrifying afternoon, Dewey completely lost his shit, when he suddenly realized, that he had actual fucking feelings for his freaking 16-years-old student!

Okay, just to be clear: It were only romantic feelings, nothing sexual or anything! But no matter how hard he tried – and trust me, he tried very hard – not to have any absolutely inappropriate feelings for his student, he just couldn’t deny, that, at some point, without noticing, he had started to fall in love with her.

And that… Well, that just drove him absolutely insane.  
After all, this shit could cost him his entire amazing, new-found life! If anyone ever found out about what was going on in his sick head, he would immediately lose his job – and for all the good reasons.  
He absolutely didn’t want to have these feelings, but he also didn’t know how to get rid of them. He had never been interested in underage people his whole life – Which he was very grateful for.

Dewey knew he wasn’t exactly a perfectly good and honest person, he’d never lie about that – Not that anyone would ever believe him anyway.  
But he also wasn’t a pedophile! That he was sure about!

So what was up with those sudden feelings, he had for his student?  
Okay, she was 16, and actually many men are attracted to girls of that age; you know, to girls that are close to 18 and would totally pass as such.  
And those men usually didn’t have only romantic feelings for young girls. It’s always a sexual thing.

And that was not the case with Dewey.

So it’s widely known, that tons of older men are sexually attracted to younger women… girls. But people know about that, because many men act upon their desires. They flirt with some hot chick in a club and maybe even hook up with her, and then play the shocked one, when they suddenly find out, that she’s not 18 yet.  
That scenario is commonly known, and even more or less accepted – considering how many sit-coms use that plot as a funny gag.  
But not many men would probably act upon romantic feelings for some 16-years-old, so maybe that’s why there’s not a lot known about such scenarios…?

Dewey wasn’t sure. And he also didn’t really know, why he was even thinking about it. Was he trying to feel better about himself by proving, that he wasn’t the only 31-years-old man that was romantically attracted to a 16-year-old girl?  
It really didn’t matter, because the only thing that did matter, was the fact that it was wrong! Utterly and completely wrong, and he had to immediately get rid of his feelings for her!

But again: How do you get your heart to stop feeling?

The only thing Dewey could really do, was to ignore his feelings.  
And, of course, he did. For nothing in the world would he risk his new life.

Also, he really didn’t want to be known as some creepy, disgusting pedophile. What would his students think of him? They wouldn’t feel save in his presence anymore; maybe they’d think back to all the times, when he was close with them, touched them. All innocent and harmless, without any sinister ulterior motives, but they didn’t know that.

Yeah… What would they think of him?  
What would she think of him?

No, he decided to put his feelings into a cage and lock them away forever.  
Which… was harder than he expected…

At the beginning it didn’t seem so hard, but… She was just so great.  
Really, she was one of the most amazing people, he had ever met in his entire life! Her entire personality! Her rebellion against the system, her love for Rock and Metal, her intellect, her genuine kindness, the way she dressed, the way she played music…  
The list could go on forever (and it did)!  
Fact was: Dewey simply loved every single thing about her. And he could never, in no universe, fight that.  
If she was only a couple years older, she’d be his total dream girl!

But she was his student.  
And his thoughts, his feelings for her were therefore illegal.  
Even if they really were only that: Thoughts. Nothing he ever actually did.

Yes, he frequently started to spontaneously daydream about kissing and caressing the beautiful body of his underage student - who he had been teaching, since she was only 13 years old.  
And yes, he totally did remember – vividly – how, only a few years ago, he - a total loser without a job, who lived in a disgusting old van, was constantly high and drunk and spent his nights in shady clubs and bars - had stolen an ID and pretended to be a teacher, to get a whole class of 13-years-olds to jump in his van and join his rock band.  
He did remember, every single day, how incredibly lucky he had been, that his students – and their parents, who trusted him – had stood up for him, defensed him and helped him to get the official permission to teach the kids legally.  
They forgave him all of his awful mistakes back then. And he never took that for granted!  
But they would never forgive him for the sick feelings he now had for one of his students.

Even if, the more time passed, those “sick feelings” felt like nothing but normal, harmless love to him. Something, that’d be totally okay, if she was only a year older.  
And didn’t use to be his student.

But as things were, Dewey had to keep fighting against his feelings, against the painful screaming of his heart to finally give in.

She graduated high school, and they stayed friends. Mostly because she was in his band, so they still saw each other at least every second day, and definitely on every day on the weekends and during vacations.

She started to call him Dewey instead of Mr. Finn, which felt very good, but also frightened him a bit. Hearing his name in the freaking beautiful sound of her voice, really didn’t help him with his ever-growing love for her.  
She was often at his place, when they had band practice or were writing new songs. The sight of her chilling on his bed, while casually joking with the others, made his heart flutter in his chest and his cheeks burn bright pink.  
He always desperately hoped, that his cheeks only felt this hot, and didn’t actually change color.

She wasn’t his student anymore, but he knew, that his feelings for her were still wrong.  
First, because she was still underage. And second, because she had still used to be his student and he her teacher.  
It was still strange. And wrong.  
Added was the fact, that he had no idea how she felt about him.  
She liked him, sure, they were friends after all, but he was 15 years older than her, so she would probably never be interested in him anyway. She most likely still saw her teacher in him. Even if he had always been on the younger side for a teacher.

Time passed, but with every single day, Dewey felt like it was moving slower; the air around him was getting thicker, pressing down on him, trying to crush him under all the pressure, which his love for her brought with it.  
The guilt for having fallen in love with his underage student. The guilt for still being in love with an underage girl. The fear of her finding out, of her hating him, being disgusted by him. The fear of the teachers or parents finding out and him getting fired, the band departing or kicking him out and him losing this life, which he loved so very, very much.  
And at the same time, the ever looming craving to finally tell her, finally let his love be known...  
But most of all: The terror of the utterly heart-wrenching and suffocating pain, which he’ll lose himself in, if she finds out and, inevitably, rejects him.

It’s all becoming too much, and he didn’t know how much longer he could play this awful game of trying to be someone he wasn’t. Dewey had always been an emotional guy, had never tried to keep his feelings to himself.  
His heart was sensible. His mind – no matter how rebellious and toughened by the bad experiences of his past - fragile.  
Trying to hide his love was making Dewey sick; he could feel it.

So no matter how freaking much he was scared of anyone finding out… Dewey knew he had to do something soon.

He was scared of the consequences. But even more scared of the heavy pressure that was pressing down on his chest, the terrible screams of his mind to be allowed to be, who he was, that were keeping him up every night.

The craving of his heart, to tell her how much she meant to him, became too painful to bear.

~~~

You

You were 17 years old, and your so called “crush” on your ex-teacher did not fade away.  
No, instead it decided to turn into actual full grown fucking love! What the fuck!?

Ever since your slight crush on him had started, you had waited for the day, when it would finally stop, but here you were, almost four years later, almost a year after high school, and you were pretty convinced, that it’s absolutely impossible to love anyone more, than how you loved Dewey.

Okay, to be fair, you had really hoped, that your love for him would at least go away, when you didn’t see him anymore. The problem at hand was: You were still seeing him!!  
You didn’t expect, that your band would still be active, after you graduated high school, but you guys were pretty good, and even landed a few songs in the very local city charts, and had them played at local radio stations. Things were going way too good, for you all to decide to disassemble the band.

And so you kept seeing your former teacher, even started calling him by his first name (which felt really weird and sort of awkward at the beginning, but you got used to it after a while).  
You two were hanging out a lot – often with the others from the band, but often also alone, just the two of you.

You couldn’t believe, that Dewey actually saw you all as real friends, and not just as his students, or former students, that is. But by the way he kept your friendships with him alive and how you all hang out together and were just joking around and having a really good time, no one could deny, that he really did see you all as evenly matched friends and not just some kids.

And it felt really good. Really, really good. To spend so much private time with him...  
It was interesting how many new things you learned about him. Nothing big or dramatic, like a giant secret he kept from his students or anything. Dewey had always been an open book for you all. He’d talked about stuff with you kids, that no other adult would ever talk about in front of a child. But after all, Dewey had never seen you as kids. He saw you as what you were: Teens. Young adults. And that’s exactly how he had treated you, the same way, he treated his friends, who were also young adults (if a decade older, but still).

The new things you learned about Dewey, were all pretty trivial. Like that his apartment was absolute chaos (which was to be expected), but all his music instruments and equipment had their fixed places and were always right where they were supposed to be. Or that Dewey needed to sleep under an extra heavy blanket, because he wasn’t able to fall asleep under too light blankets.  
Or that he had actually a thing for plants! That one really came as a surprise to you. You’d never have expected, that the man with the most chaotic mess of a brain ever, would be able to remember to regularly water his plants. But in reality, Dewey was really good with plants. He owned quite many, which were strewn all over his window sills and shelves. And they were all different ones, which needed different attention and care. But Dewey knew perfectly, which plant needed to be watered when, or how much light they each needed, and when he had to re-pot them.  
Okay, he did get some help by different alarms, which he had set on his phone, but it was still pretty impressive.

You loved that you were getting to know him better with each day. It gave you the feeling, that he was really allowing you to become a part of his life.

Even if only as a good friend.

But that was better than nothing. You weren’t sure if you would have handled it well, if all contact to him really would have broken off after high school, as you had expected.  
You were incredibly grateful to be allowed to be friends with him.

You enjoyed every single second of everything the two of you did together. No matter if with the band or alone. Every time you spent in Deweys’ presence, was a time that couldn’t have been spent in any better way.  
All the band practices, the hundreds of song writing sessions, the days at the record studios. All the nights in which you gave concerts, but also all the nights, when you just had some fun in bars and rock clubs. All the times you went to the cinema and watched some movie, all the hours you spent at his place, watching tv or playing video games together. All your “dates” at McDonald’s, when he told you how amazed he was, that you’re the kind of girl, who actually loves junk food and doesn’t give a shit about calories. And all the following times, when you would role your eyes, and he would immediately add, that you still look incredible, and that he totally didn’t get how you could eat so much and still look absolutely stunning.  
All those times, when you both were just laughing about jokes that no one but you two would ever get…

Yeah, you had absolutely, utterly, completely helplessly fallen, head-over-heels, in love with Dewey Finn.  
And there was nothing, really nothing that you could ever do against it.

And there were those nights… Those nights in which your thoughts were screaming at you so loudly, that you couldn’t sleep for even a minute. Those thoughts, which you had tried to hide away somewhere deep inside you, since the day on which you had realized, that you had a crush on your music teacher.

The thoughts that wanted you to give in to your feelings and finally do something about them! The thoughts that yelled at you, to run towards him and finally tell him how you felt.  
To confess everything.

But you couldn’t.

You really couldn’t, right?

Because, only less than a year ago, Dewey was still your teacher. He was your teacher since you had been 13 years old!  
And even now: You were only 17. He was 32.  
It’s wrong, wasn’t it?

Not just that you’re too young to want something from him. Sure, it’s totally normal for a teen to have a crush on an older guy, but for a teen to actually be in real love with a grown man… That’s illegal! For whatever nonsense reason.  
But it’s not just that; what’s really wrong about this whole thing, was that you couldn’t do this to Dewey. What was he supposed to do, if you did tell him how you felt?  
How would he react? How would he feel? When this kid, who’s not even an official adult yet, who’s 15 fucking years younger than him, told him that she had some ridiculous crush on him?

You knew, that he would feel terrible. That he’d be completely embarrassed. How was he supposed to even take you serious?  
According to what society says and believes, you’re way too young to know what love really is. He would probably think, what you had been thinking, back when it all had just started: That you’re only having a crush on a person, which you idolized. That it’s nothing but puppy love.

Puppy love that had been going on for how long, now, exactly? What if he would ask himself that? What if he would think you have had a crush on him the entire time?! (As you did.) Since you were a young kid, only 13? Okay, your crush on him had started, when you’d been 14, but what difference did it make?!  
You were embarrassing! Your feelings for him were embarrassing. Ridiculous.

No. No, you couldn’t tell him. You couldn’t do that to him.  
And you also couldn’t lose him.

And you definitely would, if you were to ever tell him.  
He’d have to push you away and cancel all contact between you two, if he knew about your feelings, right?

Because if anyone at school would find out, that one of his ex-students was after him, wanted him, it would surely put him into bad light! Even if it was absolutely not his fault.  
But because of the incident from back, when he had started his teacher carrier, Dewey’s already walking on incredibly thin ice. People would accuse him of behaving inappropriate in front of his students. Of seducing them.  
He would lose the job, of which you knew perfectly well how freaking much it meant to him.

No. You really couldn’t do that to him. You couldn’t ruin his life, only because you were egoistic.

And so you decided to stay on the same track, you were on since 9th grade: Keeping your feelings for him to yourself. Keep suffering from the ache inside you that craved to be close to him, suffering from the terrible fear, that one day, he might find a special someone that wasn’t you.  
Even if he claimed himself, that he wasn’t looking for anyone, and that he was too busy with the band and his classes… Eventually he would find someone.  
Somebody as incredible as Dewey Finn can’t stay single forever. No chance, someone great would definitely appear soon, discover him and claim him.

And that someone wouldn’t be you.

~~~

Dewey

The night had started pretty normal.  
The band had a gig at a sort of mini festival inside a medium big hall. Dewey and his band members had all been super hyped and excited, even though they were one of the first bands that played, which usually means, that you’re worse than all the other acts that came after you.

But no one in Deweys’ band cared. They simply enjoyed the 15 minutes they had on stage. The audience was great, they really seemed to love their songs. Many people even knew the lyrics to a few of the songs, that had been playing at local radio stations.

So Dewey and the others had just a freaking great time.

Afterwards, some of them left, because they had to get to work early, the next morning, and couldn’t afford to stay awake the entire night. The old Dewey would have scolded them for being boring and lame. But as things were, Dewey really couldn’t blame them. If it wasn’t school vacation right now, he himself would have to get up quite early tomorrow.  
Also it’s not as if he hadn’t known – back, when he had recruited a bunch of rich kids from an elite prep school to join his band – that his band members would end up becoming successful business men and women, so he really wasn’t in the position to complain. Also, things weren’t that bad, because, yes, his students had become business people, but they had definitely not become some super boring business people. Most of them had pretty amazing and exciting jobs.

Still Dewey was glad, that he - as a high school music teacher and upcoming rockstar - had a way more chill schedule than them. This way there was still more than enough time for fun activities.  
Like tonight, for example. While some of the others went home and to bed, Dewey could stay and enjoy the other bands.  
Fortunately he wasn’t alone though, three of his band members could stay also.

Including her.

She’s 17.  
Dewey kept repeating those same words to himself, over and over again.  
She’s 17.  
It was illegal. It was wrong. It was probably super creepy.  
She’s 17. You’re 32. Stop thinking about her!  
He did not stop thinking about her.

But how was he supposed to? Really?

They hang out at the back wall of the hall, where there weren’t too many pushing people.  
They were enjoying junk food, spending their bodies much needed energy after their exhausting – but really, really fun – gig.  
Dewey and one of the boys, who was a year older than the others, drank beer in plastic cups, while she and the other boy drank Coke.

Fuck. That’s how fucking young she still was. Not even old enough to legally drink yet.  
Dewey desperately hoped that realization would somehow help him, but it didn’t.

Probably, because the thought was immediately replaced by the way-more-entertaining thoughts he got, when he saw how freaking gorgeous she looked… A lose, but not too lose, band shirt was hugging her body, framing her curves in just the right way. The collar of it was too wide, so it fell over one of her shoulders, exposing more of her perfect skin… And that freaking beautiful neck…  
Her hair was a mess after the gig, and she didn’t care enough to comb it, like most girls probably would have done by now. But Dewey loved that. She didn’t need to comb her hair, because, even though it was completely tousled, she still somehow managed to make it look fucking amazing.  
It was the perfect hair style for a Rock Godess, he thought.

And then, there was the way she moved…

She didn’t dance to the music or anything – she really wasn’t a dance-kinda-person.  
No, Dewey meant the general way how she moved her body. He had always loved it, something just seemed so special about it. Hypnotizing.  
And now in the dark hall, the flashing, constantly moving lights from the stage, covered her body in a wild mix of light and shadow, which only emphasized the movements of her body even more.

After a while the other boys joined the crowd, and disappeared back in one of the first few rows, while she and Dewey stayed behind, kept drinking and talked.  
It wasn’t how Dewey usually spent concerts, but the bands, which performed tonight, weren’t so interesting to him, and he enjoyed talking to her a million times more anyway.

They weren’t talking about anything particularly meaningful, it was just light conversations about this and that. Which was understandable, considering how exhausted they both were after their gig.  
Added came the fact, that the longer the night went, the more Dewey was feeling sort of tipsy. Not because of the beer he was drinking. No, he could drink more, before he usually started to feel any effects.

This was something different.

But he did feel somehow intoxicated.  
He couldn’t really focus on anything around him anymore. Not even the music. It all sounded sort of drowned out.  
What he did hear loud and clearly though, was his freaking heart. It wasn’t beating faster than usual, but it was totally beating a lot harder than normally.  
His eyes seemed to have lost any ability to stay still for even a second. There was actually only one thing he looked at anymore: Her.  
But he noticed, that his look was jumping from one part of her body to next all the time. Her hips, her waist. He really tried not to stare at her breasts, and hoped it wasn’t too obvious, that he was struggling. Her freaking gorgeous, inviting neck, her jawline…  
And those fucking perfect lips. The way she moved them, while she was talking. Her beautiful teeth shining through, every time she smiled. Her tongue, moving with every syllable…

Okay, also not a good thing to focus on! That one was even worse than her breasts! Oh, the things thinking-about-her-tongue did to him…

Yeah, he really should focus on anything else. So he looked farther up, tried to keep his gaze on her eyes, but…

He really, really loved her eyes.  
Was there ever anything more awestrucking than her eyes?  
He doubted it.

The conversation kept going and Dewey had no idea how he was able to still follow along with it. He felt more drunk than ever in his life before, but he didn’t miss a single word of what she was saying. Always answered immediately and managed to keep the talk going.  
He really didn’t want this moment to ever stop.

They were in a quite big concert hall, with thousands of strangers around them. But for some reason, Dewey felt like he had never had a more intimate-feeling moment with her than right now.

He felt hot and dizzy. Kind of sick. He was sure his face must’ve been flushed red.  
Sure, it was freaking hot and stuffy-aired inside the hall, but the way he was feeling, was really extreme.

He stood so close to her…  
When had the distance between them became so small? He hadn’t noticed. But apparently it wasn’t too strange, because they both just kept talking; seemed like she hadn’t noticed either.

But, now, that he did notice, he also couldn’t help, but realize that he could feel her hot breath against his burning skin.  
Could she feel his breath too? Did it bother her? Was he too close?  
It didn’t seem like it. Or else she would already have done something about it.

Her eyes were sparkling in the moving stage lights, smiling at him and every word he said. Sending all these intense feelings right through his entire body, every time she looked directly into his eyes.

He felt like he was dying.

The air was intoxicating. Intoxicating and hot. So freaking hot!  
It became impossible to breath.  
Dewey could swear his body was overheating by now. His mouth felt dried out and his throat strangled.

They were standing so close.

She kept looking directly into his eyes, with those freaking perfect, sparkling eyes, and it filled his body with a thunderstorm of electrifying chills.  
Her gaze was so intense, it became unbearable.  
He let his eyes wander a bit and found them fixated on her lips again.  
Those gorgeous, soft lips…

~~~

You

Your heart was exploding.

Really, that’s how it felt. There was no other way to describe it.  
You felt like your heart was exploding.

You hadn’t even realized how close Dewey and you had been standing to each other. That there’d been only a few inches between you anymore.  
His face so close, looking down on you.

The moment, when he pressed his lips down on yours, you felt like you were dying.

It happened so fast, so suddenly. 

You couldn’t believe it actually was happening!

What the fuck!? Dewey freaking Finn LIKED YOU!!!???  
Since when?! Why?! How?!

Millions of thoughts were spamming your mind, all way too fast to really process.  
In the middle of it all, you found yourself realizing, that this was real!!  
Dewey Finn was kissing you!!!

You were so confused and amazed and just really confused!  
But here you were: On the back of a concert hall, tons of people around you, who didn’t even care the slightest about you two.  
And Dewey was pressing a hard, passionate kiss against your lips.

The man, who you had loved since you were 14 years old.

His hands were softly holding the back of your neck to pull you towards him, so he could initiate the kiss, but he wasn’t holding you in place – obviously giving you the chance to draw back.

Something you would never, ever, under no circumstances do! Who the hell would ever refuse a kiss from Dewey Finn!?

No, instead – with a beating heart, that felt like it would break through your rip cage at any second – you leaned forward and returned his kiss. Your hand palms were lightly brushing against his torso, so you wouldn’t lose balance, but they weren’t really touching him either - only the fingertips briefly – because you were nervous as hell, and had no idea what to do with your hands!

After a few agonizing, but also the most perfect seconds of your entire life, Dewey broke the kiss.  
Both your breathes were super ragged, your chests heavily heaving up and down. Hearts obviously trying to find their normal rhythms again.  
Although you seriously doubted, that your heart would beat normal again within the next couple days.

Dewey Finn had really kissed you!

Your thoughts were still running wilder than ever before. You had no idea what to do now. What to say.  
You could feel your cheeks burning hot red.

You looked at Dewey… And felt like the world was swallowed by cold, silent darkness.

The man you loved more than anyone could ever love anything, looked down to the ground with a frown. His eyes were jumping back and forth, obviously heavily thinking about something.

He was regretting it.  
You realized, he was regretting it, and… And you just wanted to die.

Of course, he didn’t like you that way. How could he?  
It had probably only been the alcohol…  
Although, you had to admit, he didn’t seem drunk. You had seen Dewey drunk, and right now, he really didn’t look like he was.

But it didn’t matter anyway.  
It didn’t matter why he had kissed you in the first place, because, now, he was obviously regretting his action!

You desperately tried to think of something to do. Should you just run away?  
You probably should, because you could feel the first tears building in your eyes, and the last thing you could handle right now, was to cry in front of Dewey.

But before you could do anything, he did.

Still refusing to look at you, he just shook his head – as if in a conversation with himself – and said, with shaky, breathless voice, “S-sorry. I’m- I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that… I’m so sorry.”

And then he stormed away.

Regret and anger clearly visible in his lowered expression.

~~~

You

Only two minutes ago, you’d experienced the greatest moment of your entire young life.

And, now, you felt like your entire life was over.

The man of your dreams had kissed you.

The man of whom you thought was a million times too good for you, and who surely would never be interested in you… Had kissed you.

Why?

Why had Dewey kissed you?

And why did he regret it immediately?

A million possible answers were running through your head, but you didn’t want to have to speculate for the rest of your life. You wanted to know for sure! You wanted to hear it from him!

After all those years of desperately craving him, you wouldn’t just let him get away with suddenly kissing you and then just running away! You deserved an exploitation! 

So you ran after him.  
You had seen him rushing in the direction of the foyer, towards the exits.

Oh, man, you hoped he hadn’t left the hall.  
All your bands’ instruments were already packed inside his van, so he could have driven home if he wanted to.

You span in a quick circle around your own axis, in the middle of the foyer, but didn’t see him. Panic started filling your lungs, so instead of taking more time to look for him in the foyer, you ran immediately for one of the exits.  
The one that was closest to the parking spot where he had left his van, earlier that evening.

You ran a couple steps forward and slowed down, trying to look around, while your thoughts were running way too wild to really grasp any of them.

Your moving eyes came to a sudden stop, and your already-heavy-pounding heart immediately went into a hardcore tact again.

A bit farther down the street - where there weren’t any people, besides some passing him to get to their cars - Dewey was standing on the sidewalk. He was pacing in small circles, apparently still deep in thoughts, his breath visibly still heavy.

Slowly and quite unsure, you made your way down, towards him.  
He still hadn’t seen you; you still had the chance to change your mind and leave.

But you really wanted to get it all over with right now.

With each step, that brought you closer to him, your heart beat a bit harder, more painful.  
You were scared of what he might say.  
Scared that you might lose him. That your friendship couldn’t stay what it used to be anymore.

You didn’t want to lose him.

When you reached him, he was still so deep in thoughts, that he hadn’t noticed you yet.

“Hey.” You mentally hissed at how shaky your voice sounded. How fragile.

Dewey spun around in surprise and looked at you with such a frightened expression.  
His eyes were clearly scanning your face for a few seconds. Especially your eyes.

And he seemed just... so scared.

Wait… Was he… scared of you?  
The way he scanned your face, looking for any trace of… something. The way how he didn’t say anything, but obviously waited for you to start…

Things slowly started to click into place, and you began to understand.

That’s why he’d apologized about a hundred times within three seconds, after he had kissed you.

Of course!

Dewey had no idea how you felt for him. He thought you didn’t want him to kiss you, but… But you had returned the kiss, so why…?

Oh… Right.

And there was also, probably, still the fact, that you’re only 17 and he’s 32…

Dude, you only got now how many thoughts must been rushing through his head right now.  
How many accusations he was probably throwing at himself…

He was suffering.  
And only, because you hadn’t told him yet how unbelievably much you loved him.

But you had only never told him, because you never thought, that he would like you. Because you thought, in his eyes, you were too young…

And there it was again, the question: Why? Why had Dewey kissed you?

Should you just ask him?

No… Being kissed by a guy, him suddenly apologizing, running away and then you asking him, why he had kissed you, seemed… Kind of weird…?

But after all, this whole situation was generally pretty weird.

Urgh!!! There were just so freaking many thoughts whirling through your mind! You couldn’t think, but you were desperately trying to!

What should you do?! What should you say?!

You were completely overwhelmed by emotions and thoughts and sensations…

Had Dewey really just kissed you?! Your mind still hadn’t really managed to process it yet.

He was the first.  
Dewey Finn had been the very first guy, who ever kissed you…  
You just had your first kiss ever!!! From Dewey!!!

Yep, it was too much. Definitely way too much!  
You couldn’t handle it. You felt like you were about to pass out.  
Your mind was running haywire and the world spun around you in a blur.

So there you stood. On the street, in front of a concert hall, in the middle of the night.  
Dewey Finn standing right in front of you, looking at you with those genuinely worried eyes…

How much time had passed, since your hey? Probably only seconds, although it felt like years to you.

He was waiting for you to say something. And you wanted to say something.  
You just really didn’t know what.  
Urgh! You felt like such an idiot for confronting him, without knowing what you wanted to actually say first!

But you got so scared, when he had left you standing in the hall.  
You’d simply jumped with your impulse, instead of thinking, when you had run after him.

But you had to do something now.  
Really, now, because if you kept just staring at him, without saying anything for any longer, he would definitely notice too, how freaking awkward this whole moment was.

You were still unable to gather even a single clear thought. The possibilities of what you could say to him, were simply too many to chose from.  
So before too much more time could pass, you decided to do exactly the same thing, as you had only five minutes ago.  
You jumped with your impulse, instead of thinking.

You kissed him.

You kissed him! What tHE FUCK!?! How could you kiss him?! You had absolutely ZERO experience in all things kissing and stuff, besides that one kiss, which HE had JUST GIVEN YOU!

Your heart was almost exploding from how hard it was beating, and you knew, you were only a second away from having the greatest anxiety attack of your entire life.

You felt freaking insecure, and really just wanted to die. Because if you didn’t die right that instant, you knew for sure, that you’d pass out in a second and fall to the ground, unconsciously, right in front of him, which would only make this whole horror scenario a million times worse!

Your heart was beating so fast. You felt dizzy and weak and nauseous and terrible… Standing on the tips of your shoes, one hand yanking on the collar of his shirt to pull him down, the other clenched to a fist, pressed against your own chest, in an act of anxiety.  
Eyes shut closed as hard as possible, wishing that if you didn’t see the world, you would actually disappear from it, and didn’t have to deal with the consequences of your stupid decision.  
Your lips pressed against his, hoping you weren’t doing this completely wrong. Hoping this wouldn’t feel absolutely terrible to him…

You were so scared. You could feel the tears from early come back.

But before they could leave your eyes, Dewey moved.

Initially totally surprised and just standing completely frozen in shock, he started to relax a bit. One warm hand carefully and slightly hesitantly moved to your waist; not really grabbing you or even pulling you closer… Just lightly resting on your waist, making your skin there tingle in warmth.  
He moved his head a little bit, making the angle more comfortable, and pushed with his lips back against yours.  
You could feel how he relaxed a bit more, his shoulders still tense, but not so much anymore, and you allowed your own eyelids to relax a bit too, making you see less white-red.  
Slowly, Dewey started to move his lips a bit, and you were so freaking glad, that he seemed to take over the lead a bit, since you felt just so insecure about not having any experience in kissing yet.

Deweys’ other hand carefully laid down on your shoulder, and you felt how, finally, every last bit of tension left your both bodies, as you two just relaxed into the kiss.

Your lips instinctively moved in sync with his, as the initially forced, and then soft, considerate kiss, turned into a passionate, rather sloppy kiss, with both of you having to take quick breaths in between, but neither of you ready to part yet.  
You felt your bodys’ temperature rise, and that tingling feeling of love inside your chest explode like crazy. Your heartbeats’ speed finally slowed down a bit, but still beat hard as hell – Although, now, it was due to excitement and arousal, instead of anxiety.

After a few moments, you two had to break the kiss to properly get air back into your lungs.  
Deweys’ hands moved to the back of your neck, the same way he had held you during your first kiss, but this time he was holding you gently in place, leaning his forehead against yours as you two tried to catch your breaths.

Chests still heaving heavily, you looked directly into each others eyes. Somehow communicating without having to use any words. A moment so intimate, it made you shiver with excitement.  
You were incredibly relieved, when you saw that all worries and regret, that had been in Deweys eyes only moments ago, had seemingly disappeared.

What felt like minutes, but probably were only seconds, passed, when a shaky breath left Deweys’ lips.  
“So…,” he started with a croaky voice, that was so cute, that you couldn’t help but smile. “Can I assume, that you… like… me?”

A breathless laugh escaped you.

Dewey corrected himself, “I mean… really like me…? Y’know...?”

“Y-yeah,” you answered, a bit hesitantly. Not exactly sure if that was the answer to Do you like me? or Do you understand what I mean?

“So, uhm…,” he continued. “I- Uhm… I… like you too.”

Wow.

There it was.  
The moment you had dreamed about almost your entire life.

And you had no idea how to react.  
You just stood there and stared at him in complete perplexity.

And he, again, looked at you with those expectant eyes. Waiting for you to say something.

“Uh…,” he continued, obviously super nervous again. “Is-is that okay?”

Omg! You couldn’t believe it! He was the freaking cutest guy of all time!! How was he even possible?! How was he real?!

You just shook your head. Literally. You had to wake yourself from your puzzlement over how freaking adorable and incredible he was.

“Oh, my gosh!” Yeah, great first words to yell at a guy, after he just told you, that he likes you. “Dewey! Yes! Yes, it’s totally okay, that you like me!! Who the fuck asks someone that?” You couldn’t help but laugh again, in disbelief.

“Well, sorry,” he apologized, with a nervous chuckle. “You didn’t answer right away, and you know, that you’re pretty hard to read. So, uhm… You really like me then...”

“Yes,” you answered immediately and firmly. “Yes, Dewey. I really, really, Really like you.”

You stepped closer to him, and he wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you even closer. He looked down at you, eyes glazed with happiness and something else… Something intense, that sent a shiver down your spine.  
With his free hand, he gently put a lose strand of hair behind your ear; his thump softly brushing your face, during the action.

Right before he pulled you in for another kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this was actually supposed to be smut, but somehow ended up being only a super long, sort of fluffy slow burn.  
> Sorry!
> 
> I started to write a second, way shorter chapter, that was supposed to have some sexy times in it, but it just didn't want to work, so... yeah. Maybe I'll write that someday. Who knows?
> 
> Anyways, please let me know what you think! How you like it?  
> I really hope you enjoyed reading it, and would totally love if you left a comment! <3 
> 
> \- SpaceDragon


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